6-18-03

1:00pm

[Seichi is sitting at the kitchen table, dealing tarot cards. He is wearing baggy black cargo pants without a shirt. Youmai is sitting on the kitchen table, the other half at least, watching Seichi. She is wearing jean short-shorts and a red bikini top. Keigan is sitting on a swivel stool, next to several baskets of fruit, dressed in a grey-blue, long-sleeved top and blue jeans. Arai is leaning over the author's shoulder while she is sitting at the computer. He is wearing khaki pants, similar to Seichi's, with a black wifebeater, and the author is wearing denim overalls with a purple knit top with the long sleeves pushed up to her elbows.]

Author (henceforth known as Ryuko): And here we have a completely random exercise in character babble.

Seichi: [holds up The Star, inverted]

Ryuko: Yes, very good. This is a very pointless thing and is depressingly unenlightened.

Arai: So why are you doing it? We could be having fun *insert kinky tone of voice* right now.

Ryuko: Because I enjoy character development. Because I can't think of anything to write about the actual plot line. Because I'm bored out of my mind. Because you are in a perpetual state of too much fun.

Keigan: I concur. Character development is essential, if you're going to have people be real. That, and Arai really does have too much fun.

Youmai: And it's usually with you! *points a delightfully accusing finger at Keigan*

Keigan: Shut it!

Youmai: Ooo, forceful. Go on, say something else. *silly grin*

Seichi: [holds up The Page of Swords]

Ryuko: [sitting upside-down in her chair, with all the blood rushing to her head] I'm discovering that is it astoundingly difficult to type like this.

Arai: Maybe, but I bet we could do something else with this position. *smirk*

Ryuko: *sigh of long suffering*

Seichi: [holds up Seven of Pentacles]

Ryuko: And from this new perspective, I can see that Youmai's hair looks highly unnatural, since it should be flying upwards, Seichi's going to lose the feeling in his feet if he keeps them tucked under himself like that, and the lemons in that basket are starting to mold. And from any perspective I can see that Arai needs a cold shower or a tranquilizer. I think we have some Ace (horse trank, for those curious) in the cabinet above the microwave.

Keigan: If you don't mind my asking, just how are we going to be developed by talking about molding fruit and horse tranquilizers?

Ryuko: The idea was to get everybody interacting in some really random situation.

Keigan: This isn't really random as much as pointless. There is a difference.

Youmai: I'm bored...

[Quick fade to black]

1:20pm

[The scene reopens with the group in much the same situation, but Youmai is lying on the kitchen counter with her head in the sink, Arai has stolen a cherry popsicle from the freezer and is eating it in a most suggestive manner, Keigan is examining the rope that Ryuko is making into an imitation Rose Whip for Anime Expo, and Seichi is sitting next to Ryuko, looking at her Faery Oracle by Brian Froud. Ryuko's pet cat is twining around her legs, wanting lunch.]

Ryuko: This isn't going well...

Keigan: Some how I'm not surprised. And did you ever decide if you were going to put thorns on this? [holds up the whip]

Ryuko: No.

Keigan: No, you aren't going to, or no, you haven't decided?

Ryuko: I mean, no, I haven't decided. I need to find out whether they'll let me bring it in if it has cute little thumbtack thorns.

Youmai: What, do they think you're going to beat someone senseless with it or gouge their eyes out?

Ryuko: *shrugs* Dunno. The thing doesn't even really move like a whip. I think the rope is too heavy. And I still have to dye it green. Oh, OH! We also need to have our t-shirt making party. I still have to figure out which pictures I'm going to use. But I really wanna put the "fluffy, short" pic on one somewhere.

Arai: [has popsicle juice running down his hand and his lips are bright red] I vote for the "Kurama with a leather whip" picture.

Youmai: Gee, no one could have guessed you'd like that one. I want you to get a copy of that shot from the first end theme on the videos. Where Yuusuke has that elfing cool club! [Jumps up in her excitement, hitting her head on the overhanging cabinet] Itai!

Arai: [in a sugary mockery of her voice] Gee, no one could have guessed you'd like that one.

Youmai: [gets out her Cactus Club of Certain Death] Dun make me hurt you.

Arai: [holding a branch of nettles] You're not gonna like having to pick burrs out of your hair.

Keigan: [covers the two of them in plant roots] No, no, bad maniacs.

Ryuko: I think we need a lunch break...

[Fade to black again]

2:33pm

[Ryuko is once again at the computer, freshly showered and wrapped in a dark blue bathrobe. Youmai is behind her, brushing out her soaking wet hair. Seichi is sitting on the kitchen table with his feet on the chair, reading Ryuko's Guide to Psychic Arts. Arai and Keigan have temporarily disappeared...]

Ryuko: So I'm thinking of changing Kanbai's physical design. And throwing in the idea for them getting hired by um... someone. But I'm not sure how or where I'm going to work that in, since I just had them move inland. And- ouch! *wince*

Youmai: Sorry! You're tangled. You really need to use conditioner.

Ryuko: [with a grimace] Trust me hun, this is with conditioner. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go get dressed. Shopping with 'kaa-san.

Youmai: Hey, what are we supposed to do?

Ryuko: Just... stay here and... do whatever it is you people do when I leave you home alone. *shudder*

[Fade once again]

6:01pm

[Ryuko has just returned from grocery shopping with her mother. She finds Youmai at the computer, several different error messages flashing on the screen, with Keigan peering over her shoulder, acting as back-seat typist. Seichi and Arai are making out on the recliner, with the former contents of it shoved onto the floor.]

Ryuko: Dammit, what the hell is the computer doing now?!

Youmai: [with a large sweatdrop sliding down her head] Ano... I think I killed it...

Keigan: Internet explorer seems to have committed suicide. Is that normal?

Ryuko: Yes, completely. [growls and begins to electronically manhandle the computer]

Youmai: I think I see where it gets its attitude.

Ryuko: [almost violently switches off the main power strip] Fine!

Youmai: Yikes.

[There is a knock on the door before Makaze, Mageyasui, and Waridea enter the house. Yasui is shape shifted into a female human body, with full body tattoos and pale blonde hair, wearing a denim skirt and pale blue ribbed top. Waridea looks like her usual self, but with a black corset on in place of her breastplate. Makaze has on white cargo pants, hanging as low on his hips as possible without being unsightly, and a white t-shirt with tears in it to let his wings out.]

Yasui: Hi, everyone. We're back.

Ryuko: Hey, where've you guys been all day?

Waridea: Shopping in the Makai.

Youmai: Snazzy! Didja bring me anything? *excited*

Yasui: [tosses her a string of polished stones] I thought they were pretty, if you'd like them.

Youmai: *squeals* They are pretty! Thankies!

Waridea: Seichi, I picked up the seeds you- [notices Seichi's current position- pinned under Arai] Never mind. [sets a small white envelope on the table]

Makaze: [also notices the pair] Hm, mind if I join?

[Arai looks back and shrugs. Seichi, out of it enough to not feel like even responding, just scoots over on the recliner, making room for Makaze. Makaze, with a large grin, curls up with them.]

Waridea: Right-o. [Goes to stand behind Ryuko at the computer] Here's change from what you gave us.

Ryuko: Thanks, dearie. But could you please not breathe too close to the computer. I think it overheats.

Waridea: Oops. Sorry. [takes a few steps back]

Yasui: Ryuko, have you uploaded those photos yet? Didn't you say you had two cards left?

Ryuko: Crap, I did. Okie, gonna have to do that now before I forget. Again. Gimme a few minutes.

What if...

...it was laundry day in the Ryuko household?

[Ryuko is standing on a chair at the head of the kitchen table. The whole group is crowded into the living room and kitchen, chattering.]

Ryuko: [clapping twice to get everyone's attention, then waiting for said attention to actually catch on] Okay, everybody, it's LAUNDRY DAY!

Yasui: Oh gods...

Keigan: This should be interesting.

Ryuko: Okay, we need to gather up all our clothing [mutters] (especially all the stuff on my floor), then it's getting split into batches. So let's GO!

[Blank stares from all]

Ryuko: [gives her sigh of long suffering] Please? I'll bake cookies for you.... [pleading gaze]

[Assorted sounds of agreement from all. Ah, the power of the cookie.]

[Half an hour, two stubbed toes, and a cat fight later, all the clothes are gathered into a pile in the middle of the living room.]

Ryuko: Okay, now we have to sort everything into batches.

Arai and Makaze: We demand that our clothes be washed separately, so as to preserve the perfect paleness of them.

Ryuko: [terrified blink] How long did it take you to choreograph that?

Arai: About ten minutes.

Ryuko: Great. Okay, so whites and lights in their own pile, blacks in another.

Youmai: You have to be SUPER CAREFUL with mine. I dun want them shrinking.

Ryuko: I'm sure their not going to shrink...

Youmai: NO! You have to be careful!

Keigan: You know, it's a valid worry.

Yasui: This coming from you? [disbelieving look]

Keigan: [evil smirk] Well, if they got any smaller, they'd certainly disappear entirely.

Youmai: [indignant squawk]

[Assorted laughter and snickering]

Youmai: [pouts] I hate you all. You're just jealous.

Arai: [playfully grabbing her] And who wouldn't be jealous of a body like this?

Keigan: [pulling him off by a foxy ear] Down boy.

Arai: What? You were teasing her too.

Keigan: Teasing is one thing; you're a whole different story.

Ryuko: [sweatdropping] Oooookay... So, delicate fabrics in another pile.

Arai: What if our clothing fits in multiple categories? [holds up his white silk pants]

Ryuko: Just leave them with the damn whites!

Waridea: [wide-eyed] Well, I won't be asking about my corset then...

[Another twenty minutes, two more fights, and ten threats of tranquilizers later, all the clothes are sorting into seven different piles, each in a large paper bag.]

Makaze: Ano.... why are they all in bags?

Ryuko: In case you hadn't noticed, there isn't a washing machine in this house! [calms] We have to walk down to my grandmother's house and use her washing machine. Okie? [psychotic, stressed smile]

Yasui: [quietly] I worry about her...

Waridea: [trying hard to whisper and not doing a very good job of it] I worry about this whole lot.

Ryuko: [gathering bags and not looking at them] I heard that!

[Everyone grabs a bag to carry, except Arai, who doesn't even bother making an excuse for his laziness. Fortunately, there's one less bag than there are people. In a bizarre procession that borders on the surreal, the group treks down to Ryuko's obaa-san's house and into the laundry room. The bags are all set in a neat row along the back wall.]

Ryuko: Okie dokie. Give me a bag.

Youmai: [looking around, vaguely confused] Um... which bag would you like?

Ryuko: [not noticing the Impending Doom, waves a dismissing hand] Any one.

Youmai: Um.... [frantic look] Which... one... [borders on complete panic] CAN'T DECIDE!

Ryuko: [taken by surprise by the outburst, whirls around, clutching a hand to her chest] Dear sweet Inari!

Seichi: [puts a comforting hand on Youmai's shoulder, trying to get her to relax]

Waridea: [in great annoyance, roars] JUST PICK A GODDAMN BAG!

[All in room are floored by the force of her roar, assorted dishevelment ensues]

Waridea: [back to herself; grabs the nearest bag and dumps it into the washing machine] Ryuko, how much detergent does this need?

Ryuko: [on the floor, looking frazzled] Half.... scoop. [struggles to get up] Permanent press.... warm/warm water.... [collapses back to the floor] Medium water level. Oof.

Waridea: Great. And we're off.

...everybody when to the Makai Supermarket?

Not yet!

...everybody went on vacation and the villains moved in with Ryuko for ten days?

Day One

[Ryuko has just seen the whole group, plus fifteen pieces of luggage, into the airport shuttle. As she's turning around from the gate, about to drive back up the hill, another shuttle pulls up. After a long, awkward pause, punctuated by assorted shouts of anger/fear, three figures step out, two carrying one bag each, while the third struggles to manage one regular suitcase with mini wheels, one proper rolling suitcase, and two vanity boxes. Ryuko bounds over to the gate, opening it again with a beaming smile.]

Ryuko: Hi, guys. Glad you made it here okay. Those shuttles never can seem to find this place. And no pizza company delivers here. It's a bitch. Anybody need help with their stuff? [looks at Ijutsu, right in front of her]

Ijutsu: [snorts] No. Thank you.

Ryuko: [looks at Resshin, right next to him]

Resshin: Don't make me hurt you.

Ryuko: O-kie~! [looks at Mizore, a couple yards behind the rest of them] Oh, dear, do you need some help, hun? [runs over]

Mizore: [beams] Aw, thanks. Here, if you could take this. [hands her the regular suitcase]

Ryuko: Of course-

Mizore: And this, and this, and this, if you will. [hands her the handle to the rolling case and both the vanity cases] You're a sweetie.

Ryuko: [around the handle that's stuffed in her mouth] Nhu pobemn!

[Ryuko staggers towards her car, a cute VW Bug. She looks at the car, then at the multitude of suitcases, then back to the car, then to her three guests.]

Ryuko: [still has the handle in her mouth] Thas gunna fee ah pobemn...

[Two and a half trips later (she got halfway down the hill before realizing she had already gotten everything), all luggage and guests are accounted for and standing in Ryuko's living room, looking around. Resshin is eyeing Ryuko's bird, cat, and bunny with a hungry glint in her eyes. Ijutsu is pretending he's not interested in the odd gadgets on her dining room table, while staring at them out of the corner of his eye. Mizore is... no longer in the living room, but instead has his head stuck in the freezer, rummaging for ice cream.]

Mizore: Where -is- the ice cream in this house? What the- GWAAK! [crash] Oof. [thud] Itaaaaaiiii...

Ryuko: [reentering the room] Did I forget to mention that my freezer, cabinets, and hall closet are all booby-trapped? Yeah, that's my mother's fault. [picks up the bag of frozen meat that jumped out at Mizore and roughly stuffs it back in the freezer] Back ya go, ya naughty food! [slams the door shut quickly]