1. They are laughing at me, not with me.
2. I will not fake my way through life.
3. I will not call my teacher “Hot Cakes.”
4. I will not encourage others to fly.
5. I will not Xerox my butt.
6. I will not instigate a revolution.
7. I will not draw naked ladies in class.
8. I did not see Elvis.
9. I will not trade pants with others.
10. I will not drive the principal’s car.
11. I will not see school property.
12. Spitwads are not free speech.
13. A burp is not an answer.
14. I will not belch the National Anthem.
15. I will not grease the monkey bars.
16. I will not hide behind the Firth Amendment.
17. Hamsters cannot fly.
18. I am not a dentist.
19. Underwear should be worn on the inside.
20. I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
21. I will not conduct my own fire drills.
22. Goldfish don’t bounce.
23. I will not eat things for money.
24. I will not yell, “She’s Dead” during roll call.
25. I will not barf unless I’m sick.
26. I will not carve gods.
27. I will not aim for the head.
28. I will not snap bras.
29. This punishment is not boring and pointless.
30. My name is not Dr. Death.
31. The principal’s toupee is not a Frisbee.
32. Mud is not one of the four food groups.
33. I will not sell miracle cures.
34. I do not have diplomatic immunity.
35. I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
36. The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with, “Hail Satan.”
37. Garlic gum is not funny.
38. I will not do anything bad ever again.
39. “Bart Bucks” are not legal tender.
40. I will finish what I star
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