Astrological sign is Aries; searching for a Leo, Virgo, or Pisces to discuss the alignment of the stars and last week's episode of "Friends." Must have blood type A .

Hoosier daddy. Belligerent Indiana hoops fanatic ISO passive gal for LTR. Must enjoy basketball, screaming, and chair-throwing. Hoops to hear from ya!

Control freak looking for someone who will let me boss him around and tell him what to do with his life. I have a short temper and will not tolerate it if I don't get my way. Mama's boys need not apply.

Single, white, affluent male starting a savage cult; orders submissive, obedient followers to worship and praise my every move. No shirt, no shoes, no service.

Greedy, money-hungry, single white female looking for obscenely rich older man (preferably on his death bed) to spend time and money with. Would like to wiggle my way into the will and be the sole beneficiary. Call before time runs out.

Out-of-shape, convicted criminal, in prison for next 6 years, seeks companion to help break out of jail. Please come during visiting hours only, and bring a hand saw, knife, or other tool. No conversation necessary.

Neurotic camel-lover in search of woman who will wear a sheet over her head. Has to love having no electricity, sharing horrid body odors, and living in sand castles.

What's your sine? Math professor seeks sexy lady with full functions for hot pi and shared vector space. CalTech and MIT grads only.

Fifty-two-year-old empty-nester seeks young man to be her diaper-dandy. Crybabies and whiners only. Diapers, rattles, and spankings supplied.

Playmate wanted. SWM with large stuffed animal collection ISO female furvert for meaningful relationship with me and my plush toys.

Um ... yeah. I don't have a picture, but you'll, like, like me. Or something. So, um ... write me back, maybe? And, uh ... I guess that's, like, all. ... I guess.

Like attracts like. Bitter veteran of two failed marriages and numerous dead-end dates ISO bitter hag for unfulfilling relationship.

High-maintenance woman demands deep-pocketed and attentive sugar daddy. Only those with huge bank accounts and tiny egos, please.

At the Double B Ranch, I brand my heifers and keep 'em hogtied. This here's the wild, wild West, missy, and I'm ready for a showdown. Write if you are, too.

Looking for third-degree-burned beauties to satisfy my growing fetish for wrinkled skin. Have tried elderly women and bathtub babes, but now only skin grafts get me going.

Retired nurse wants willing patient who enjoys body casts, elastic bandages, and syringes. An affinity for bedpans a plus! Gender not an issue.

Rock-'n'-Roll Fantasy! Aging rocker seeks hot babe for tumultuous relationship. Must enjoy paparazzi and tabloid journalism. No monogamists.

Petite mountaineeress seeks tall female for climbing. If you're under 6 feet tall, averse to ropes, or wary of long expeditions, don't apply

Former Catholic male, now Protestant female, seeks handicapped (preferably blind) male companion to gorge on peanut butter and mac-and-cheese sandwiches. Please call between 2 a.m. and 5 a.m.

Former scientist in search of test subject for study on the line between pleasure and pain, ecstasy and excruciation. Those with high pain thresholds ineligible.

Looking for my sixth wife who will be unfaithful, unwilling to clean or cook, and take me to the cleaners after the divorce. No need to have an actual relationship with me. In fact, the only communication necessary is through our lawyers.

My hobbies include drooling, screaming in a silent library, smelling strangers' armpits in an elevator, and eating heads of cabbage. Seeking someone who belches uncontrollably, has halitosis, and is willing to drive me to Mexico.

Gay sunless tanning addict seeks dark and crispy partner to share tanning bed. Bring your own goggles and we'll order in!.

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